Conscious Love

When you keep holding on even after you let go

In my listless thoughts dwelling deep in my subconscious

Surfing on the surface stalking secrets in my privates,

Racing in my mind I find you creeping in the silence

Cause even in my waking dreams you're sleeping in my mindset

I give you all the notions of a frenzied lover's panic

Striking flint together sparking fire from a manic

Loving only feels right when it sinks like Life’s titanic

Fallings just like sinking but you haven't hit the land yet

Now imagine you’re in quicksand and your writhing to be free

You’re drowning to the ground the more you move the more you plea

Gripping with its sandy claws the pull grows ever stalwart

Embracing sand to skin to lungs you choke in memory

The things you think you thought you lost the ones that still await

Falling neither sinking stuck between a state sedate

Wishing for me now I think I wish to want them back

Wanting is a wish I wish I didn't want to have

Repertoire

Where Have You Been,
are You Da One
No Strings Attached
but it’s the Best Day Ever, Because of You, Oops I did it Again
Now I have a Crush, Crush, Crush
OMG
I Think She Knows
Now Im Fallin, Free Fallin
Some Nights We Are Young
Live Fast, Die Young,
 YOLO
Now I’m Love Stoned
Around the world, Pon De floor, Written in the Stars I’m Yours
In The Dark I Get a Good Feeling
One More Time, With You, or Without You
My Love All You Need Is Love
But is this Lonely Boy, Too Close
Welcome to Heartbreak, Hello Single
Maybe, Crazy in Love, and Irreplaceable
Call it What You Want, Im Howlin For You
Yesterday Love Stoned
Tonight Tonight, Live Like We Were Dyin
But Take Me Out, Call Me Maybe and Let It Be
A Sweet Disposition

The Inner Actress

Beauty unbound in nude awaiting, waits to be shown to her crowd,

Painfully watching her artwork unfolded, her hair tossed about and around,

These hands are the sole object holding it up, but they’re holding back truths untold

To tell you this story she whispers, It wisps her away in the ethereal cold

Sillhouette Eyes, chaotic hair, veiled pride, a life shared, through lighting, expressions and love

She’s been tortured by patience, by art and by time, the curtains expose the above

A model performing impure sacrifice, the next shot her dress falls flat

Why does she stand there poised in privacy? She’s waiting to finish her act.

Liable Innocence

The guilt runs deep in my veins

The position she deserved

I do better than her

Because my counterpart takes the reins

The ones I couldn’t bear to adorn

The beauty of the collars designed for

Those servile peasants

The ones pleasantly

designed for a slave unborn

Presently my present presents for me presents

That neither I nor her find mundane 

In the wake of my failure, I rise to the occasion

Creating a famed display

The hosts are the ghosts of an anticipated future

Envisioned is beauty and passion and scorn

Worn out lights make shadows uninhabitable

A vision only my eye  beholds

PACKAGES

Holed up deep in the darkness he waited for a sliver of light to shine through the cracks of his boarded abode. The sun slowly showed face, illuminating the boxes upon boxes that surrounded the interior. Piled atop one another our villain laid silent, in his silent room in his silent home waiting for dawn to burst through the fissures of his arena. When the efflorescent rays poked his cheek, warming the raw pink flesh, he turned over to his side ceasing his isolated state of dormancy, This slumber he wouldn’t even consider sleep. The insomniac rustled about until he pounced to his feet regaining his balance and finding equilibrium. Although stability hardly came to visit, he always managed to find remnants of something close to it. He had begun hiking down the stairs, empty boxes toppled down alongside him as he brushed through the mess. He climbed down to the first floor and stopped short of a tall cardboard structure, then shoved his feet into his shoes and tied them tight. Today he was prepared, more prepared than most days, less prepared than paranoid, less prepared than perfect. So snatching the keys out of his safe, he headed out the door fastening three of the four deadbolts and marched up to his beige Lexus.

Plugging the key into the ignition, the car sprung to life and the engine with its shafts and rods all working together to benefit itself, narcissistically thundered down his winding driveway. Houses soared past from port to starboard, the trees swaying about in uproar passing him near the speed of light, twisting all the rules that both nature and government shaped. Around him stood no foe, his invincibility glowed so dull and dark that nothing would miss him but nothing would stand in its singular path.  Nothing.

He knew the women’s route, she would circle around Chestnut Apartments, continue down Carolina Ave, head towards Peek-a-Boo driveway and circumnavigate back to the start. Often she would do this to save time, her route extended much past these few destinations. She would veer off to Capitchuulus  then to Parkway, stop at Caskade and Iceberg than off to the River Moors and Castledacks. But always, she would start in this exact pattern and he would follow. Her company truck was somewhere near the start of her voyage but if not, it meant she lived nearby. Anger filled his veins with expressionless emotion, a blank stare parallel a parked car sat impatiently awe-struck in wait. She never arrived to the scene of the crime so he traversed up and down, back and forth peeking in the mailboxes, examining the letters in search of something solid and square. None were to be found. When nobody shopped online it meant there was no profit and too much time to spend alone in rage. Today would be that exact feeling of solitude and defeat. He couldn’t have missed her, he came a half an hour early, even missed breakfast to meet her packages. Where was she ?

He dashed back to his car and drove around to her other destinations to no avail. She was nowhere to be found.  Upset in search of her brown UPS truck he threw his body against the steering wheel in frustration. Never had so much disappointment penetrated his soul, enough that anger bled the sheets of his preparation dying them tints of fists and fury. Outside the parked car deers ran the opposite direction of his revolting shriekd and all around wildlife dispersed.

Headed back to shelter, or home, or whatever he would call it, the car was poised in an awkward state. He slammed the door behind him his jacket caught in the trap. Wrapped in such an infuriated berserk rage he pulled the zipper right off the jacket. Yanking it with all his might, he landed on his butt and rose with reinstated motivation. Headed to his doorway he halted all progression. Sitting on his doorstep was a package.

He went to pick it up, placing both hands around its sides like a newborn babe the weightlessness was the first thing to catch his attention. He began to tear it open and inside was a folded note. His eyes grew wide and fear trembled up to his fingtertips. In illegible writing were the words “You’re not the only one who steals packages,  not anymore”

When you know you've been exploited and allow it to continue are you Noble or Naive

       Defeated Champion

 The longer you stay in the friend zone,

the harder it is to get out. 

Give it your all, 

you win and you fall,

forget all reasonable doubt.

     Baby steps will only take you so far, 
then you reach that line too afraid to cross.

Win    the     battles  you   cannot   beat
   Confront the   ones  worth    defeat

                 ReGreet

   Youre the one Ill take my time for, 
No matter months nor grams nor feet,
         I like the person that Ive met,
    But  love the one im soon to meet.

Freshman Year

Dancing atop Dining Hall Tables
Walking past Homeless deep in New Brunswick
Ripping signs off and leaving them on the ground
Punching walls, and vomiting on busses,
Helping a high school friend while puking
Body Shots! Breakdowns, Parties and Shootings
Fat Sandwiches at 4 in the morning
Confessions, tears, grievance and mourning
Shots before, during and after the party
Losing friends, New ones, new tiled flooring!
Paranormal Activity Marathons,
Girl's Night, Wine and Big Dick Anthems
Livingston After Media Systems
Miller's Chapters 6,7,8 half of 10, and 2 from the New Editions
The Cave, the woods, Midnight Missions
Keeton and his FUCKING clicker Questions
Rapstar Battles
Drug Search Scares
Lost on Cook-Douglass
Freshman Year
Add-Dropping the class after finally finding it
Stolen 20's, roofied drinks, 40's and beer
Wine Parties, Seizures, Tears and Fights
Unrequited love, and reaching Hipster Heights
Running across highways away from the cops
THAT FUCKING LIGHT, and Improv night!
Mall trips! drinking ALL the tea, Sitting on logs, skipping rocks
Rap songs, and getting hustled at busstops,
deep conversations about showers and socks
Basketball Shoots
Late night Takeout Runs
Football Games and girls with new Football Loves
Meme's, Movies, Marijuana and Molly
Sober life, forgetting that bowl and that dutch
Fingering, humping, kissing and folly
alcohol, drugs and their addictive clutch
California Dreams shot down by Marie
Finding a new home and a new family
Having to say goodbye to it all
Knowing it won't be the same in the fall

Heightless Ambition

Sometimes I wish I was far away from this place. So far nothing can interrupt my own silence where the world is still and my toughened heart has froze in complacency. What I want is hard to find, it's not joy but tranquility. And When I find that place, then I know I can stand tall below short ceilings, where I can dive deep and still sink, where I can fly high to infinity and never again touchsolid ground.A place of nirvana and peace and love.

Guilty Pleasure

A dash of hope, 

2 pinches of regret 

3 cups of Frust-ration 

make 1 hell of a cake, 

If i had 1 quart of ignorance 

and 1 gallon of apathy 

then maybe I wouldn't 

care how it taste.

You Know I Know


You know you do, you know you do
The only one who knows it too
Is me myself and I, I mean
Who but me believes its true

Sometimes doubt will clout my mind
My faiths devout it cannot hide
It often spills into the well
The same place that my wish resides

I tried to spell where words had failed
I bid too high with zero meld
This is no game or spelling bee 
Its feelings that I've never felt

I know you know, you know I do
I know it well and so do you
If others don't, than F  the truth
I know you do, you know it too.